Going Gluten Free*

I decided to try going gluten free for about six weeks for a variety of reasons.  A big reason is that I have HORRIBLE indigestion problems (wake up in the middle of the night throwing up) and I would like to find the trigger.  Another reason is that celiac runs in my family.  I have an aunt and two cousins diagnosed with it.  Yet another reason is that studies show that a gluten free diet can help with infertility.  Does it mean that once I go gluten free I will be guaranteed to conceive, absolutely not.  But I figured it'd be worth a try and really couldn't hurt anything. 

I am a couple of weeks into it and I have to admit I have been more gluten limited than gluten free, hence the asterisk.  We've changed pasta, snacks, and bread (YUCK) to GF, and that has been a pretty smooth transition.  I've found the biggest challenge to be going out to eat or going over to a friend's house.  I refuse to dictate a menu to a friend to be sure to accommodate me going GF, so I just know I can make choices to limit it (having the meat without a bun).  Also, I have found most restaurants have GF options, so I just need to seek them out ahead of time. 

I had the worst headaches I've ever had when I started going GF and am not sure if it was my body having withdrawals or if the headaches were side effects of the medicine I was on that time.  I have also had just as bad, if not worse, indigestion issues.  It's really been effecting my sleep so I am thinking about making a doctor appointment.  Being up for 2-2.5 hours in the middle of the night three nights a week is starting to take its toll on me.

Tomorrow morning I have my ultrasound to check on the follicles.  Also this week we have an appointment set up to talk our next steps with the doctor.  I'm interested to see what his opinion is of where we should go next.  I am guessing either surgery to check out the "blocked" tube or just going right into the IUI.  More updates to follow!          

Warning: Taking a Pregnancy Will Start Your Period

Ugghh!!!!!!!  I made it to day 32.  My hopes were so high.  I thought this was finally our month.  I put off taking a pregnancy test until this morning with dreams of how to tell Austin about our future family on Valentine's Day.  It was negative, but hey, I figured I'd just restest in a day or two.  Well, no need for that!  Flo decided to show up at work this afternoon.  My heart broke.  I was sick.  I just wanted to leave and cry.  I prayed at my desk that my boss wouldn't walk by asking for something so he wouldn't see the tears.  I wished so bad to be back in my old classroom where I could lock the door and cry with my BFF next door.

But, tomorrow is a new day and this next cycle will bring new hope.  It will also bring the start of the IUI conversation with the doctor.  We figure there really is no sense in continuing doing something that isn't working.  I'm interested to see what these next steps will look like for the two of us! 

     

No Positive Here

This past week was the 10 year anniversary of my mom's death.  I'm posting what I put on Facebook, even though I think most of you who read this probably would have already seen it. 

"Ten years ago today, my world was turned upside down and I lost one of the most important people in my life, my mom. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28 Although I miss her more today than ever, I can honestly look back and be thankful for that day ten years ago. For I had an amazing mom for 20 years, it brought our family even closer together, I've learned to truly appreciate the people in my life, and I really don't believe I'd be the imperfect, but perfectly loved by God person I am today. Culvers drive-thru to get a caramel cashew sundae topped off with throwing the cherry out the window in memory of you today, mom! Love and miss you!!"

 

The anticipation of the anniversary is always worse than the actual day, but it's always a tough one.  Floods of emotions and memories come back to that exact day and the days following it.  Although remembering brings sadness and pain, it's also hard to forget the love poured down on us from family and friends. 

 

I had my second ultrasound on Friday.  Most of it was done with the abdominal ultrasound, thank God!  Apparently my ovaries are higher than normal, thus the painful ultrasounds up to this point!  I had two follicles growing on the left side, including one that was measuring over 22!  I also had two on the right side.  They've done some good growing in two days!  I've been doing OPKs twice a day since Wednesday and have yet to get a positive (hence the blog title).  The plan is to test through Sunday morning, and if I still don't get a positive, then to do the Ovidrel injection and time things out.  We'll see how it works out.  Next step is to start talking IUI with the doctor so we keep moving forward with dealing with the infertility issues.  In the meantime, I will be as patient as I can during the two week wait! :)

Temporary

That word has been on my heart lately. 

This season is temporary.  The season I'm in right now is temporary.  I am married, with no children, and in career limbo.  This is all temporary...well, not the marriage! :)  Am I doing everything in my power to be content in this season?  Am I taking advantage of the blessings we have while being in this season?  As much as we want a family so badly, I know it's a blessing to only have to worry about us to get out the door.  It's a blessing to get a full night sleep, something that I'll be longing for when we have little ones.  I pray I see the positives and feel the contentment of this particular season.

The happiness I get from food and the pain I feel from exercise is temporary.  I am obese, like put the Biggest Losers numbers to shame obese.  I also have a very unhealthy relationship with food and could be the poster child for emotional eating.  Lately, this word temporary has been coming into play as I start to make healthier choices in my lifestyle.  The pain and discomfort I feel while exercising is just temporary and in the long run it's just going to make me feel better.  The happiness I feel in eating certain foods is just temporary and in the long run it's just going to make me feel worse.  Hopefully some of these temporary feelings will lead to some permanent changes.

Life on this earth is temporary.  I've had five funerals or visitations in the last couple of months.  In the last week I've had my Grandpa Cole's funeral and a visitation for a dad of former students of mine.  It's been emotionally exhausting.  My grandpa's funeral was much harder than I had expected.  It brought back a lot of memories and emotions from my mom's funeral 10 years ago.  I got to meet new people and see family I hadn't seen in awhile which was nice.  I love seeing my mom's family - it's the closest thing I have to her, but is also makes me miss her terribly.  It has all been a good reminder to me that this is only the world I'm living in, and it's temporary.  I have eternity ahead of me which at times I long for.  But for now, I'll continue taking one day at a time and not taking each day for granted.   

As far as the infertility is going, I have the normal ultrasound appointment this Wednesday.  Something isn't going right with this cycle and I'm interested to see what the doctor has to say.  Either the meds screwed something up or we had a chemical pregnancy.  I'm not going to come to any conclusions until I talk to the doctor, but either way I think meds for this cycle were started too soon due to the abnormalities, so this one is probably a bust...I am hoping to learn more this week.