Patience

Home study is passed... and so now we wait. and wait. and wait.  Each month we get a report from our agency about our profile views.  Our profile has been shown to four different expecting mothers, and all of them "felt a stronger connection to another family" as the agency says. 

How polite of them. 

It's frustrating knowing another month has come and gone with no news.  I can't help but think if there is something different we should have done with our profile.  It's hard not questioning and analyzing every aspect of ourselves that was put into that profile.  

But for now, we are going to find the joy in our pre-baby moments.  This weekend we are going to shoot guns to prepare for our hunting expedition in Missouri and celebrate the birth of baby #2 for a good friend.   No one said you can't have fun while practicing patience!

 

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (NIV)

More and Less

I recently finished reading a book and in it the father of two adults passed away.  In their discussing of what life would be like for them in the future with their dad gone, one replied, "Less."  That struck me so deeply as I read it and that one word best described how I've felt recently with the passing of my grandpa.  Less.  Since losing my mom at age 20 unexpectedly, I had it in my mind that no death would be as bad as that.  It's partly true, but I would have never thought losing my grandpa would have such an impact.  But the man whose blue eyes made an entire room sparkle and whose endless jokes could change your mood in a heartbeat is terribly missed.  It's not the same with him gone... But yet this world is more because of him.  The impact he'd had on others is endless and I consider myself more because of him.  So that's it for now.  Life is more and less.   

An Answered Prayer = Fire??

A had asked a couple of people to specifically pray for time and energy for us to get everything completed for our home study the end of this week.  As of last week we had a lot to do around the house yet, and I hadn't even started our portfolio for potential birth moms.  I was starting to feel the pressure of everything.  Well, that prayer was answered and definitely not the way I thought it would be.  My work building started on fire 2:30 am on Friday.  Thankfully, it wasn't very large and the firefighters were able to contain it.  But the smoke damage was severe enough that no one was allowed in to the building to work on Friday.  And here I sit on Monday, and the building still hasn't been cleared so I have another day off!!  Umm... answered prayer!  It allowed for me to get things ready for a Saturday garage sale and with the help of amazing family our house is now all in order with the exception of some finishing touches!  I most definitely would never wish anything bad upon anyone or anything, but I feel pretty lucky about the timing of this unexpected time off!

Still Here...

It's been quite awhile since I've done an update, mostly because there hasn't been much of one.  I finally started feeling back to myself the middle of April.  Yep, that was four and a half long months of not feeling well physically or emotionally.  The ectopic took a much bigger toll on me than the first miscarriage.  I survived Mother's Day (barely. worst. one. ever.) and am now feeling ready for what lies ahead... and that being the adoption!  We have our final home study appointment next week.  It was scheduled to be in April, but I just wasn't ready for it so we postponed it. 

It's all becoming a little more real and a little more scary.  I am just having to continually remind myself to trust and let go, which can be so hard for me!  I worry about a lot of things - finances, the health of our future birth mom and child, experiencing a failed adoption, getting pregnant again, whether or not we'll even pass the home study, etc.  It's hard not to when there are so many things that could go wrong... and when I start doing all that worrying I forget about all the things that can go right and that will just work out, even if it's not the way I pictured it to be. 

Okay, sorry this isn't much of an update but it's way past my bedtime!!  Stay tuned to hear about how the final home study went! 

“God, you do love adoption. You’ve adopted us into your family, giving us all rights and privileges of family. We are heirs and co-heirs with Jesus of all your treasures. We pray today for those seeking to adopt a child. Many children in the world do not have mothers and fathers. Many men and women do not have children. God, bring them together. Create the perfect match. Provide resources. Provide perfect timing. Give endurance and emotional strength through the grinding details. Give wisdom for them to anticipate ahead how to prepare practically for the coming change. Strengthen their marriage ahead of this coming gift. Heal any past disappointment. Parental love is nature. Adoptive parental love has to be SUPERnatural. Give a miracle of love and bonding. May nothing stand in the way of you accomplishing a completion of this match – child to parent. In Jesus!”

Read more: http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/prayerplainandsimple/2010/10/a-prayer-for-those-waitingpreparing-to-adopt-a-child.html#ixzz31qbxgIt2

Read more at http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/prayerplainandsimple/2010/10/a-prayer-for-those-waitingpreparing-to-adopt-a-child.html#qZpLKXBTlzQH0IyD.99